


I'M WHAT?!?!

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drama, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Mpreg, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-05
Updated: 2010-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 09:06:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8706280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Dean is still clammed up after their dad dies, and Sam is worried as hell. and when Dean finally has a breakdown that leads to some very big changes between them, will they be able to handle the consequences?? or will they crash and burn?





	1. The way it all began

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

  
Author's notes: ok this is my first mpreg, and its my first sex scene *blushes* so reveiws are welcome!!! dont hold back!! i need as much feed-back as you can give me  


* * *

****

 

They were in Illinois, and they had just finished a traditional salt and burn. Dean wasn’t letting them stop hunting and it was taking its toll on Sam. There were only so many sleepless nights left in him, and even that number varied depending if a hunt decided to go sour and they ended up getting hurt. Thinking about how tired he’d be and then having to worry about Dean or himself getting hurt, and being too tired to see straight let alone clean themselves up, was driving him up the wall with worry. Sam has had way too many of these nights lately, and he wanted to put his foot down. He wanted to confront Dean and make him deal, but sadly this was Dean’s way of dealing and really? Sam didn’t think he’d be able to help this time. If he forced himself on Dean, then Dean would merely respond to that by clamming up tighter and forcing themselves into many more hunts. But now? He was going to make sure he got a say in something.

 

“Dean,” even he could hear the ‘let’s talk’ tone in his voice, and he cringed inwardly, but didn’t take it back.

 

“Not now Sam, I think I found us another hunt in Davenport, Iowa. If we leave now we can get there in two days tops.” And with that Dean closed the laptop and moved around the room packing up various items lying about. 

 

Sam felt like crying, he was so exasperated at how his brother was acting, but it made his heart hurt because he knew it meant his brother was in pain. And this time, he didn’t know how to handle it without making them fight, and he didn’t want to fight, not when he knew it might mean Dean storming off and leaving; or him for that matter, because it would only make things much worse. So Sam just stood there, watching as his brother finished packing his bags and handed Sam his, brushing past him and walking out the door. Sam stood for a few more seconds, getting his emotions under control, and with a sigh, he went out and followed Dean to the Impala.

 

XxX

 

They had been driving for hours, and even Sam was having a hard time staying awake, but Dean showed no signs of stopping, which meant he wasn’t going to sleep soon. So Sam blinked his eyes a few times and sat up straighter, making himself stay awake. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Dean monitor his movements, watched the frown deepen on his brother’s face, but Sam just moved his gaze back to the fast passing road and ignored him. After several more seconds of silence, Sam heard Dean sigh, and watched as his brother steered them off the freeway. And when they pulled up into a motel parking lot, Sam smiled inwardly, so his brother wouldn’t see, and gave himself an imaginary pat on the back for his unintentional victory.

 

Silently his brother got out of the car, and walked up to the front office. Sam just slumped in his seat, he won, and now he was gonna let the tiredness seep in and consume him. He was already half asleep when his brother walked back out and got back in the car. In his sleepy state Sam momentarily panicked that Dean would just drive back onto the freeway, but then his brother parked again, and shook Sam slightly.

 

“Come on Sammy, I got us a room.” Sam peeked open an eye and felt a ridiculous rush of joy that his brother had called him ‘Sammy’. He hadn’t done so in days, and he sleepily saw this as a sign. But right now all he did was grunt and barely opening his eyes, he nodded and got out of the car. Dean was way faster than him, by the time Sam got out of the car; Dean was already pulling their bags from the trunk and heading to their room. When he opened the door, they walked in and Sam went straight for the bed, ignoring the fact that there was just one, and throwing himself on it. He wriggled around a little bit, until he found a nice soft spot, and immediately fell asleep.

 

XxX

 

Dean sat their bags down and turned around, seeing his brother spread out on the bed and snoring lightly. He must have been really tired; Dean felt a rush of guilt sweep through him. He knew he was pushing his brother to his limit, but if Dean allowed them to have a break, even for just a few days, his brother would want to talk. And Dean wanted to do anything but talk, Sam had already tried earlier, and it freaked Dean out. He knew that sooner or later he was going to snap, something would happen or Sam would make him talk. ‘Cause the stubborn bastard wouldn’t give up; Dean looked down at his baby brother fondly, the only expression he’d worn for awhile. He sighed deeply and sat down by Sam’s feet. Feeling the movement, his brother mumbled something and rolled over. Despite himself, Dean smiled and felt the fatigue that had been pushed at bay rush through every vein in his body. He felt his eyes drop, and began working on undressing his sleeping brother. He pulled off his boots and socks, and undid his jeans, ignoring any weird thoughts that flittered into his mind. He pulled them down and pulled his shirt off, slowly and carefully because Sam’s eyelids were starting to flutter. 

 

When Sam was down to his underwear, Dean pulled the covers over him. He stared at Sam’s sleeping form for a few minutes before going to sit at the small table in the corner. His head fell into his hands and he tried to clear his mind, make it blank and make himself not think. It had worked all the other times, so of course would be the time that it didn’t. 

 

He needed a shower, he needed to make himself relax for a second, make himself not think. He walked into the bathroom and closed the door, locking it and turning to face himself in the mirror. He stared at his face, how he had purple bags under his eyes, his eyes slightly red, and his face pale, making his freckles stand out. He glared at himself in disgust and turned away, stripping himself of his clothes as he stepped into the shower. He turned the water all the way to the left and stepped in, not even feeling the water as it hit him. He was a statue, just standing there and staring straight ahead at the white of the stall. He closed his eyes, and leaned his forehead against the wall, and soon the darkness swallowed him, and for once, he thought nothing.

 

XxX

 

He wasn’t sure what had wakened him, but he was up now. He turned over and noticed that Dean wasn’t in the bed next to him, dread filtered through him and he sat up quickly. He looked around the room and noticed that it was missing one thing: Dean. Then he heard the shower running and he let out a breath, but the sense of dread didn’t go away. Slowly he got out of bed and ignoring his state of undress he walked over to the door and knocked. 

 

And knocked.

 

And knocked. 

 

When no answer came to him, panic swept in and he started to pound on the door.

 

“Dean, open the door!!” he bellowed in panic, no answer came to him, and he knew he would regret it, but he kicked down the door. His foot pounded in agony and he wanted to yell in pain, but he pushed himself through the doorway and flung the shower curtain open. He nearly passed out at the sight. 

 

Dean was curled into a ball and his lips were blue, he was shivering and paler than ever. Eyes widening, Sam grabbed his brother and flinched at the icy feel of his skin, and of the extremely freezing water. He turned the water completely off and hauled Dean out and into the room. 

 

Laying him down in the bed, Sam rushed over to the thermostat and turned the heater on full blast. The room began to warm up almost immediately and he was relieved that for once they found a motel that had working appliances. He ran back to his brother and threw all the blankets on him. He lay down beside him and enveloped Dean in his arms. 

 

He could feel Dean immediately react, his brother sinking in closer to his body heat. Sam started to rub his hand up and down Dean’s arms trying to get the blood to flow. He didn’t realize he was crying, his heart was clenching painfully and his entire being consumed with the desire to make Dean warm again. He didn’t know how long they were lying there, but after awhile Dean’s eyes slipped open and he looked around in confusion.

 

“Sammy? What are- how did I get in the bed?” his brother rambled on confused, and before he could even think about what he was doing Sam kissed him. It was just his lips against his brother’s, but he was just so glad that he was ok, so glad that he wasn’t going to die. 

When his eyes flung open in shock at the realization of what he had done, his hazel eyes met Dean’s deep green ones. They stared into each other’s eyes for so long, panic running rapidly through Sam, but his brother smiled slightly and tilted his head again, bringing his lips up to Sam’s. And it didn’t take long for the kiss to get heated. Dean licked Sam’s lips, pleading for entrance and Sam let him in. Their tongues intertwined and slid against each other, making Sam whimper. Dean flipped them over, so that he was straddling Sam’s waist. 

 

They didn’t talk, not once, as Dean’s hands roamed over Sam’s hard muscled chest. His fingers tweaking Sam’s nipples; making him arch up into his touch. Dean broke their kiss with one last sweep of his tongue and lowered himself to take in a hard dusty brown nipple into his mouth. Sam could only gasp as he slid his fingers into Dean’s too short brown blonde hair. Dean licked and sucked on it, using his teeth for a few seconds before moving over to the other one. 

 

Moaning now, Sam bucked his hips against Dean’s, their erections rubbing up against each other’s. Dean moaned and ground his bare cock into Sam’s boxer covered one. Eyes rolling into the back of his head, Sam bucked up as his brother ground down. Both moaning and panting, Sam vaguely registered his brother’s hand stroking down his stomach. He felt Dean’s hand slip into his boxers and grip his weeping cock, and then thought process seemed pretty stupid after that. Barely aware of anything aside from the sure and steady strokes of his brother’s callused hand. And then Dean grabbed both their dicks in his hand and stroked twice, leaning down and kissing Sam again, and right as Sam felt his balls tighten, his brother stopped. Whimpering Sam bucked up, trying to get Dean to finish, but Dean just laughed slightly and lowered himself spreading Sam’s cheeks.

 

“What are you- OH GOD!” Sam threw his head back against the pillow as Dean’s tongue licked a wet stripe across Sam’s puckered hole. It didn’t take much for Sam to be writhing and barely restraining himself from shoving his hips down on Dean’s face, because really; the things that Dean’s tongue was doing should be illegal. 

 

Sam was moaning and whimpering and pleading with Dean. Pleading what though, he wasn’t even sure of at that point. Then he felt a finger press up against him alongside his brothers wet pink tongue, and Sam moaned and pushed his hips down. Dean smirked and slowly pushed his invading finger inside his brother. Impatient, Sam started moving his hips slightly, wanting more.

 

“Dean please, please,” he pleaded over and over, until his brother added another finger, then another and at that point Sam was fucking himself on his Dean’s fingers.

 

“Please, Dean, god fuck me already.” And Sam opened his eyes he hadn’t realized he closed and saw his brother’s eyes were wide and dark, barely even a distinguishable color of green, a predator like glint shining brightly in them, as he reached down by the floor and rustled through his bag. When he came back with a bottle of lube, Sam just leant back and watched through half lidded eyes, as his brother slicked his red weeping cock up and motioned for Sam to turn over. Sam didn’t need to be told twice, and he quickly flipped himself over and stuck his ass in the air, shame thrown out the window as he moaned wantonly. 

 

Dean’s eyes screwed shut at the sight of his brother. He fought the urge to just shoot his load all over his Sam’s wide tanned back, and positioned himself behind his brother. He leant forward and placed a kiss between Sam’s shoulders, one hand on Sam’s hips while the other guided his cock into his brother, slowly slipping in.

 

Sam gasped and his head fell forward as he felt his brother’s cock slide inside him, he could feel his muscles stretching to accommodate his brother’s length, and it felt so damn good. After a few seconds he decided that Dean was going way to slow, s he moved his hips backwards, sliding down the rest of Dean’s cock, causing the both of them to moan in unison. Dean’s hands tightened and he vaguely thought about bruises while he tried not to thrust back, trying to let Sam adjust. But Sam had other ideas, and he started to move himself up and down Dean’s dick drawing a growl from his brother as Sam’s face was pushed into the pillow and his brother let loose. Thrusting into Sam like his life depended on it, and when he hit that bundle of nerves Sam let out a cry and started matching Dean thrust for thrust.

 

Sam was pretty sure the things he was moaning weren’t words, but they spilled out of his mouth and he couldn’t have cared less. Because who cared if ‘Uhn!- Ngyah!’ wasn’t a word? Dean apparently cared, though. He loved that he could make Sam unravel like that, and deliberately hit his brother’s prostate head on, until Sam was moaning and muttering and trying to hump the mattress to get friction on his abandoned dick. But when Dean reached a hand around and pinched one of Sam’s nipples, Sam cried out, jerking and moaning as he came all over the sheet, coating it in white ribbons. And Dean felt Sam’s inner walls tighten and it only took a few more thrusts before he was moaning Sam’s name and spilling into his brother.

 

XxX

 

Dean didn’t know how long they stood in that position, Dean’s soft cock still lodged deep in Sam, both of them panting, trying to catch their breath. But somehow, Dean slipped slowly out of his brother and lay down next to him. When they were both breathing normally and their hearts slowed down, and Dean started to come down from his orgasmic high, he realized what he just did. 

 

Shitshitshitshit- What the HELL did I just do?!, Dean thought in panic.

 

Sam though, didn’t seem to be freaking out about the fact that his big brother just finished screwing his brains out just a few minutes ago. He curled his large tanned body into Dean’s and nuzzled his head into the crook of Dean’s neck.

 

“Love you Dean.” Sam muttered sleepily, and Dean could feel his gaze softening already. 

 

"Love you too, Sammy." he whispered. He could freak out in the morning because right now he just wanted to feel Sam’s warm body in his arms and sleep.So he let his eyes close, and laid his head lightly on Sam’s, his brother’s too long hair tickling his cheek. And he fell asleep listening to Sam’s steady breathing, and loudly thumping heart.


	2. I love you, so much

  
Author's notes: ok so i wasn't able to post this yesterday because rl really hates me TT-TT and my posts will probably be around once or twice every week because school starts next week (grr) and i wont be able to write as often TT-TT  


* * *

_________

 

He couldn't stop staring. Every time he thought he should stop, Sam moved or twitched or _breathed,_ and his attention was drawn back immediately. He was getting lost in his own marveling, mapping out the entirety of his brother with his eyes. His hair that Dean loved to run his fingers through was all over the place, fanning out over the pillow; his smooth, tanned, and scarred skin; the muscles that were practically rippling off of his body. He was beautiful, and he couldn't help it when his hand reached out on its own and lightly traced along the muscles that defined his brother's stomach. Sam sighed happily and moved in towards his touch, making Dean smile; a miniscule turn up of his lips. He lay back, counting the cracks and the stains that littered the expanse of the ceiling.

 

He had fucked up big time. And god the feelings brewing inside of him were overwhelming his entire being and he didn't know what to do; guilt and the horrifying reality that he just slept with his brother… and liked it. He didn't know how he was supposed to react, act on what he felt was right, or act on what he was told was right? He was torn so badly between the two that he felt ripped in half.

 

He'd wanted this for such a damn long time but he knew that he would never be able to have this. Sam lying in bed next to him, body curled up close, more intimate than just having to share a bed because all that was left were the single bed rooms. He never let himself try and achieve this sick fantasy; he didn't want to force his brother's hand because Sam thought he had to, to keep Dean happy. But that was exactly what Dean had done, he'd forced Sam into this, and Dean was so sick with himself that he thought he might throw up. He'd made his little brother commit an ultimate sin, now not only was Dean going to rot in hell, but he'd be dragging Sam down with him.

 

The reality of it all hit Dean like a blow to the stomach. All he had ever wanted to do was protect Sam; that had been his job ever since that horrifying night nearly twenty three years ago. Protect Sammy had been drilled into his brain until it was all that Dean had known, constantly watching over his little brother and trying to get closer to him in ways that would never be considered normal. He'd violated that innocence now, and Dean didn't know when Protect Sammy became God Sammy let me fuck you. Dean shook his head, hand tangling in the short strands of his hair, bile rising up in his burning hot throat. If he pretended that this never happened then everything can go back to normal and that was his final decision on how to handle this fucked to hell situation. Sam didn't even want this –God Sam couldn't want this, he couldn't, because that would mean Dean had fucked up his brother's life even more than he thought possible- so he should feel relieved that this won't have to happen again. And even though the thought of never experiencing that sickening heavenly bliss ever again made his stomach twist into confusing knots of loss, he knew he couldn't let this get any more out of hand, so he ignored the sick feeling and slowly disentangled himself from his sleeping brother. When Dean was safely out of the bed he padded over to the bathroom, shivering as his feet came into contact with the cool –stained- white tile.

 

This time he left the door unlocked and he took a warm shower, needing to get some form of feeling back into his numb body. He stood still under the spray of the shower head, mind blank from any form of the emotions that had been brewing so strongly not mere minutes before. He twisted his face up to the warm water, letting the droplets slide down his face, dripping onto his chest and continuing their journey downwards. With a sigh he twisted the knob, letting the shock of ice cold water run through his body, before turning the knob back to the middle, turning it off. He grabbed the towel hanging over the pole above his head, the rough material of the hotel towel scratching against his skin as he dried himself off. He peeked his head out the door, checking that Sam was still asleep, and when he was sure, he stepped out, quickly going over to the bags thrown haphazardly on the table. He found his clothes in record time and slipped them on, the soft material of the shirt was soothing in a way Dean had no idea how. Not dwelling on the fact, Dean gazed at Sam's sleeping form for a few seconds before he grabbed his keys and went out the door.

 

~

 

He knew without opening his eyes that Dean wasn't in the bed anymore. He could no longer feel his brother's warm body, and when he opened his eyes he saw the empty rumpled sheets where his brother should have been. The bathroom door was wide open and he saw that it too was missing Dean. He shot out of bed and felt his panic rising to high proportions. What if Dean had left? But a quick glance to the table where both their bags still lay, told him that Dean hadn't left him. He had only gone out to get food. Sam chuckled at himself, self consciously, for being so stupid and slipped out of bed to go take a shower. His ass was still sore, a dull pulsing that made walking uncomfortable. He was sticky and could feel where Dean's cum had dripped down and dried, it was a disgusting dry patch along his legs. He hadn't been happier in weeks.

 

The steam that covered the mirror and the wet floor of the shower told Sam that Dean hadn't gotten up that much earlier than himself. He turned on the water and let the shower run for a bit to get warm, before stepping in. The sparkle of heat along his entire body made Sam sigh contently, arching his neck toward the shower head to wet all of his hair, enjoying the pleasant warmth of the water. He was still scrubbing the cheap motel shampoo into his hair when he heard the key turn in the lock and heard his brother walk into the room.

 

"Sammy?" he heard Dean call out.

 

"Hey, what'd you get?" he answered back, rinsing the suds out of his hair and face, watching the soapy water slip down the rusty drain.

 

"Just some bagels and coffee, we gotta get back on the road if we're going to get to Iowa in time." Sam immediately felt unsettled, a sense of unease settling in the pit of his stomach. He turned off the water and grabbed the towel, drying himself off hastily and then slinging it around his waist and walking out into the room where his brother stood in front of the window.

 

"Dean?" But his brother kept his back to him instead of answering, chewing on his bagel and sipping his coffee while staring out the curtains of the window, eyes skittering over the few cars that drove down the otherwise sleepy street. Sam didn't know what to do; if Dean was having a freak-out then Sam knew that he had to slap some sense into him. He just hoped that it wasn't going to have to get that literal.

 

"Dean, look at me." He pleaded, walking up behind his brother slowly, cautiously.

 

"What do you want from me Sam?" Dean asked, still staring out at the now empty street.

 

"For you not to leave me." The truth would work better than sugar coating it all. The thing he feared the most was his brother walking out on him, of going away and never coming back. He was scared of never seeing his brother again, and it was that fear that kept him from forgoing any of his feelings, making him avert his eyes before Dean caught him staring, made him pull his hand away if it lingered a few seconds too long. It's what kept him from grabbing his brother and hissing mine at anyone that tried to lure his brother away; kept him in the motel room, waiting and counting the seconds, while his brother went out to the bar to pick up girls.

 

It may have been fucked up, the way that things were turning out, but Sam really didn't care, all he wanted and ever needed was Dean, and he'd be damned if he let Dean walk out of this one. He'd wanted this for far too long.

 

"Why would I leave you Sam?" Sam looked up into his brother's eyes as he finally turned to face him, caught the blank look that meant his brother's walls were up, his defenses at full throttle, and he sighed.

 

"Because of what we did, Dean you can't leave me. Please." He saw a flicker of something cross his brother's jade eyes before the walls came back up. Was that sadness? Desperation? Or was he just deluding himself? What if Dean really did hate him, just wanted to leave the second a chance was presented? His heart clenched as the seconds ticked by, his brother's hesitation letting panic and desperation settle themselves in.

 

"I'm not going to leave Sam, alright? I'm not, but if we don't leave more people in Iowa are going to go missing, so come on, pack your bags." He didn't miss how his brother skirted the subject, how he turned away quickly and moved towards the table, and the only thing he could think to do was grab Dean's arm. His arm's action slowly caught up to him, and he thought about dropping his hand, letting Dean go, but then he realized that if he did that, he would be letting go of everything that had happened, of what had formed itself, and he wasn't going to let that happen.

 

"Sam let go of my arm." Dean said, trying to pull his arm away, but Sam just tightened his grip and stepped up closer.

 

"No, I'm not letting you walk out of this Dean. Not this time." He watched as his brother's shoulder's tensed and his whole body went rigid.

 

"Let go of my arm Sam." He didn't miss the slight desperation in Dean's words, the slight pleading tone of his brother's voice that if he weren't Dean's brother, if he hadn't known Dean like the back of his hand, he would have missed it.

 

"No." And Sam flipped him around suddenly, so they were flush up against each other, and he caught the look that was in his brother eyes before the walls flew back up again, and he breathed a mental sigh of relief as he lifted Dean's chin up and lowered his mouth to his brother's.

 

He just meant to brush their lips together, but then Dean made a strangled noise in the back of his throat and crushed their lips together, opening his mouth and letting his tongue coerce Sam's mouth open. It was all desperation and pent up desire, teeth clashed as their tongues battled almost violently. Dean's hands wound themselves in Sam's too long locks, and Sam's fingers found themselves trying to grab purchase in his brother's too short blonde hair. Sam moaned and tried to push himself closer, always closer because it was never enough, it would never be enough, never be close enough to Dean.

 

He felt it, knew it would happen seconds before it did. He felt how his brother went tense, how his lips and tongue stilled, and when he pulled away trying to catch his breath, Sam wanted to whimper in frustration, as his brother pulled away and held himself at arm's length.

 

"Goddamn it Sam!" Dean exclaimed, running a hand through his hair as he turned away, causing Sam to see his brothers back yet again. Sam only flinched slightly at the unexpected yell, but he knew enough to give Dean some space, if he were to try and get close he would only succeed in pushing him farther away. So he stood while Dean paced only several feet away, all the while desperately wanting to feel the warmth of Dean's plump lips against his.

 

"What are you trying to do huh? I'm fine goddamn it! Just stop it already. Just please stop already, it's not going to make me feel better!" he heard the hint of hysteria creeping along with Dean's words, and he let their meaning soak in as Dean spun around to face him, eyes wide and angry. Hurt. And all this only made Sam even more confused, not entirely understanding what the hell was going on, until it all clicked, and he felt like laughing, loud and crazy, because man this was just unbelievable.

 

~

 

He could practically see the light-bulb flash above Sam's head, eyes widening and Dean wanted to snort. Like he didn't know what Dean was talking about.

 

What he didn't entirely expect was Sam walking back up to him, and he barely backed up two steps before his brother was pressing a light kiss to his lips. And Dean was mad at the instant urge he had to just open his lips and let his tongue touch Sam's, let everything unravel, but he steeled himself and kept his face blank and lips tight as his brother lowered his head so Dean could see into his eyes. His hazel eyes that were warm and held slight frustration and amusement; this was funny to him?

 

"Is that what you think? You think I'm doing this because I want to make you feel better, because you somehow made me?" Sam asked as he placed small chaste kisses to his lips before moving to his neck, and Dean felt his knees go weak, and heard his breathe as it hitched in his chest.

 

"Because Dean, god that's not why, that is so not why." and he brought his head back up so he and Dean were face to face, forehead to forehead.

 

"Oh really?" Dean scoffed, but even he could hear the breathlessness in his voice. "Then why?"

 

Sam breathed out and averted his gaze for a few seconds, eyes traveling over Dean's face before flicking back up to meet his eyes, and Dean almost forgot how to breathe at the softness he saw in his baby brother's eyes. He couldn't believe just how warm and loving they were, and he wanted to drown in them, to lose himself in his brother, and that alone scared him. At the desperate need, at how much he wanted Sam, how much he needed to learn every single inch of his brother that he had yet to learn.

 

"Because I love you, you idiot; because I'm so in fucking in love with you. Goddamn it Dean I love you so much, so beautiful…" And then Dean really did forget how to breathe, and before he could change his mind, before he could talk himself out of it, he leaned in and kissed those lips that haunted him in his dreams. This time it was soft and sweet, tongues softly stroking and exploring, curling around each other, and the whimpers Sam was making was enough to get anyone hard in five seconds flat.

 

Dean moved his hand that was gripping Sam's hip tightly lower, removing the towel that was covering him. He lowered his head to lick up his brother's chest, feeling the hard muscles jump underneath his lapping tongue, caressing every inch that was Sam. He was learning and exploring everything he couldn't last night, feeling and seeing everything that was in front of him. He lowered themselves down on the bed as he stripped out of his clothes- so fast he probably broke several world records- and latched his mouth back onto Sam's, slipping his knee in between his brother's, making Sam moan and buck up, trying to get the friction that he needed. He lowered his head, sucking in Sam's rapid pulse point as he adjusted their hips, aligned them so that they were slick up against each other.

 

Moaning they both ground against the other, slick heat against slick heat so unbelievably good. The need to come getting closer and closer, and before he could regret it, Dean stopped and reached over to the nightstand where the lube from last night lay still. He squirted a generous glob onto his fingers coating his dick, slicking himself. He forced himself to stop and move back in between Sam's legs, lifting his hips up as he slowly pushed into his brother who was still slightly stretched, making it easier to slip in.

 

This time Sam let him go slow, let Dean ease into him as they both felt the pleasure shiver into their bodies, never once breaking eye contact. And then Dean thrust his hips in long, slow, torturous thrusts, eyes never leaving his brothers until he hit Sam's prostate and his brother threw his head back, moans getting increasingly louder as he tried to speed up their movements. Dean smirked slightly and threw his own head back as the blissful silky heat of his brother squeezed around him, and he couldn't stop himself from thrusting faster into Sam if his life depended on it.

 

"God, Dean." Sam moaned, opening his eyes and finding his brothers.

 

"Just call me Dean." Dean said breathlessly, and Sam's chuckle was cut off by another moan as Dean bit down Sam's neck, nibbling and sucking in his brother's tanned skin.

 

"God so good Sammy." Moan roughly escaping his throat and he reached down to stroke his brother's untouched cock as he felt himself getting closer and closer, wanting to bring Sam over the edge with him. And with several strokes and rough thrusts later they were both coming, screaming out each other's names, as Dean filled his brother and Sam coated both their stomachs.

 

His brother pulled out of him slowly, making Sam wince a little at the loss. They just stared at each other for awhile, Sam didn't know if was minutes, seconds or hours, but eventually Dean laid down next to him, arm splayed out over his chest, breathing in deeply as they both laid there staring at the ceiling.

 

"So does this mean you're not going to freak out and leave?" Sam asked lightly, smiling when Dean chuckled and got up, coming back several seconds later with a wet wash cloth and he wiped Sam and himself down, discarding it on the floor as he curled back up against the warmth of his brother.

 

"Yes, it means I'm not going to freak out and leave." And they both fell asleep to the thrum of their hearts, as they beat as one against the other.


	3. And the answer is......

  
Author's notes: im such a baaaaaaaaaaaaaad author!!! TT~TT i haven't updated in forever!!! i've had writer's block and then the evil force that is school started and i kind of got caught up in my honors classes and then clubs and such *sigh* but i have a three day weekend starting today!! so i shall be writing non-stop!!! i WILL make it up!!

i just wanna mention something. i recently learned about Aaron's (Frozbytes) friend who is in the hospital in a coma. i just wanna say that Aaron, if you read this i think i speak for everyone here when i say that what happened to your friend is ten million kinds of messed up and sad, i hope and pray that he wakes up and gets better soon! =3  


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Sam isn’t really sure when he starts thinking it. It could have been when he could just never get enough sleep, when sleeping for seven or nine hours was just not enough. It could have been when he refused to eat in or go into certain places because the smell of the place made him want to hurl. Or, it could have been when he found himself kneeling in front of the toilet the sixth morning in a row, puking his guts out and then some.

 

Sam doesn’t really think that when the idea popped into his head is important so much as the fact that it’s there, and now he has to deal with it. So he formulates a plan in his head and continues to brush his teeth, trying to chase the taste of bile and yesterday’s dinner from his mouth with minty freshness. Dean is still asleep. For a reason Sam cannot understand, Dean has slept straight through all six of his throw up sessions. Dean is a light sleeper, it was drilled into them to wake up at any sound or sense of danger, it was instinct, and Dean is scarily in tune to anything Sam related, so Dean sleeping through the sounds of Sam retching into the toilet bowl is confusing.

 

Sam shakes his head with a sigh. Now is not the time to be contemplating his brother’s big sleeping escapade, he’s only distracting himself from the main problem here. So he slips on some jeans and shrugs on his jacket, and walks out into the morning.

 

Taking the Impala would only alert Dean to his departure, and yeah, Sam could lie about where he was going, but when he came back Dean would want to know what was in the bag and then they’d have some problems. The store wasn’t too far from the motel where they were staying, and that aside, Sam loved the mornings. Loved the crispness of the air, the peaceful feeling that he would get walking out when the sky was neither bright nor dark, it was the in between. Taking a deep breath of fresh air Sam walked into the small grocery store and noticed it was jam packed; it took him all of five seconds before he saw the dancing turkeys on the wall and remembered that Thanksgiving was a week away.

 

At least he’d get cover; people would be more than likely focusing on their shopping than notice the six foot four man walk into the feminine needs section and shuffling over to the pregnancy tests. Sam’s eyes widened as he saw that there were at least three dozen different tests all lined up on the shelves. He didn’t even want to begin to fathom the differences between them all, so he simply grabbed two handfuls and dodged out of the aisle and over to a cash register where a harassed looking teenager rang up the items of a mother of five. As the kids kicked and screamed at their mother’s feet, the mother simply looked at the items being rung up. She looked like she was at the point where she just let them do whatever the heck they wanted. And Sam watched with a sort of morbid fascination as the mother pushed all her kids out of the store.

 

When it was Sam’s turn he noticed the look the girl gave him when she saw his items, and he blushed red and waited impatiently for her to ring them all up. When he saw the price flash on the screen behind the girl he just pushed the money at her, grabbed his bag, and bolted. When he was back out in the cool morning air, he took a deep breath and tried to calm his racing nerves. They seemed to be running all over the place, and he shook himself back into sanity and made his way back to the motel and a sleeping Dean.

 

~

 

It wasn’t like it was rocket science, but he was so nervous and jittery that he had ended up breaking the first test, and the second time he flushed it down the toilet. He was just glad it didn’t clog it up, adding yet another thing to worry about on his list.

 

When he was done with the third test he set the timer that had come with the first and sat on the bathroom floor, waiting out the longest five minutes of his life. He had chosen the one that used words instead of the signs or smiley faces, purely so that he wouldn’t waste a half a second deciphering it. 

 

When he was sure that he would go insane from the waiting, the little ding came from the timer telling him his five minutes were up. Sam took a deep breath and crawled over to the sink, his eyes shut as he reached up and grabbed the test, he braced himself and peeked open his eyes reading what it said on the small screen. And the small plastic test made a dull clink as it fell to the floor.

 

_Pregnant._

 

~

 

He was pretty sure he was in shock. His mind was blank yet receiving so many random thoughts all at once that all he could to was stare at the wall ahead of him and try and process what he just read on the damn piece of plastic. Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant; the words flittered into his head every other millisecond. He didn’t’ even want to think about how the hell this was possible, because last time he checked, he was a guy, even had the dick to prove it.

 

He chuckled humorlessly and thought about how screwed he was. His and Dean’s new found relationship just started, how the hell was he supposed to tell Dean that he’d knocked his little brother up and expect him to a) believe it, and b) stay and not run the fuck away? And the sad thing was that Sam wouldn’t really blame him. At least, not right now.

 

Sam crawled over to where the test still lay on the floor, that evil word staring back up at him. This was a mistake right? Maybe the test was faulty, like a false positive. He knew, even as the thought first popped into his mind, that he was kidding himself.

 

The big question here, aside from the obvious ‘how the hell?’, was how was he supposed to tell Dean? He figured that the sooner the better, and if Dean decided to leave, than Sam would make sure Dean was down the road before the tears kicked in.

 

~

 

When Dean woke up he noticed two things. One, Sam wasn’t in bed; and two, the bathroom door was wide open and small little boxes were scattered everywhere. From the middle of the small bathroom to the middle of the room, small boxes of different colors and slightly different sizes littered the floor. It took him three seconds to notice Sam’s large form huddled in a corner clutching something small in his large hand. He could tell that something was wrong before he even saw his brother’s face, and when Dean got up and knelt in front of his brother it took Sam a few minutes before he snapped out of whatever he was in and noticed his brother who was right in front of him. He jerked back at first, on instinct, before he collapsed into Dean, who fell back on his butt in surprise at the sudden weight.

 

“Sammy? What’s wrong?” he asked after he settled them into a more comfortable position on the floor, Sam’s head cradled comfortably in Dean’s lap.

 

“Sam?” Dean was worried now, and when all that Sam did was hand Dean what was in his hand, Dean just stared at the white form and the word that took up the entire screen.

 

“Sam, what is this?” he asked after ten incredibly long seconds.

 

“Well Dean, that’s called a pregnancy test and when you p-”

 

“Yeah I know what a pregnancy test is smart- ass but what are you doing with them all?” Dean asked, voice coming out slightly sharper than he intended, his irritation and confusion seeping out of him before he could even begin to tell himself to reel it all back in.

 

“I’ve been sick remember? Well you wouldn’t know about the hurling, because you slept through it all but today was the sixth morning in a row that I spent in front of the damn toilet.” Sam jerked his head, with a scowl on his lips, towards the direction of the porcelain bowl.

 

“And then I got this idea, the signs were there you know? Fatigue, nausea, dizziness, then the morning sickness started and I got suspicious.” Sam paused, and Dean just sat there, hand stroking Sam’s hair purely on instinct, because Dean was on auto pilot and his mind was blank as his brother retold his story.

 

“Well this morning while you were sleeping I slipped out and went to the grocery store, bought out almost a whole shelf, and then I got back here, took the test, and BAM! According to the piece of plastic there I’m pregnant.” It took Dean awhile to figure out Sam had stopped talking, and then he just started talking before his mind could tell him to fill the silence.

 

“But couldn’t it have just been a false positive? Maybe you just have a bug or something and –

 

“Yeah see I thought you’d say that, and I thought that at first too, so that’s why I took another one, and then another, and then a few more after that. They’re lying in a pile over there.” Sam jerked his chin, disturbing the comfortable spot his head was in on Dean’s lap, as Dean’s eyes followed the motion and saw a small pile over by the bathroom door.

 

“And they all say,”

 

“Positive.” 

 

“Oh…” Dean was pretty sure he would be gaping right now if it weren’t for the fact that his face muscles automatically masked his faceinto a blank slate.

 

“Oh? That’s what your genius mind came up with?! OH?!!” Dean looked down at Sam in surprise.

 

“Well what the fuck am I supposed to say? I just found out I knocked up my baby brother! You come up with something better!” and Dean winced when he realized how dumb his answer was. Damn, damn da-

 

“Oh, well poor Dean!” Sam’s face twisted in sarcastic pity, into a sneer that Dean wasn’t used to seeing. “ I’M the one knocked up here remember?!! It’s YOUR fault that this happened anyway!!”

 

“MY fault?! How the hell is this MY fault?!!”Dean shot back, face twisting up in anger.

 

“If you just used a goddamn condom we wouldn’t be in this mess!!”

 

“Well how was I supposed to know that I’d knock up my BROTHER!!!?” at some point in the fight they’d jumped up opposite of each other, glaring daggers at nearly identical green eyes, as the other threw insults his own way. Sam stayed silent, something flickering behind the anger, before he ran out of the motel room, door slamming harshly in his wake. Leaving Dean to curse himself for being an insensitive asshole and run after his brother.


	4. Apologies to be made

  
Author's notes: HERE IT IS!!!!! this is the one i really wnated to update so bad and well...... uh.... here it is :D sorry if it's a bit short DX but i hope you enjoy it!  


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“DAMN IT!!!!” Dean slammed his hand down on the steering wheel and took a deep breath. When he’d run out after Sam he found that his brother had already disappeared. How he had managed to disappear in less than three seconds Dean didn’t know. At first he’d thought about just running out after Sam, but after shaking his head clear he realized using the Impala would be way faster. Except that Dean has been searching for Sam for just about three hours now, and if Dean had been crawling up the wall with worry three hours ago, he was going completely insane with it now. 

 

He’d looked everywhere in this godforsaken town, looked through every store and sidewalk, gone through the bars and benches on the side of the road. Considering that this town was the smallest they’d ever been in, you’d think that it’d be easy to find his six foot four Sasquatch of a brother, but for all the luck Dean was having, Sam might as well be two feet tall.

 

Dean took a deep breath and ran a hand through his short hair. Sam ran off because of him, because Dean was stupid enough to yell at him. Looking back on how it all went down Dean seriously wanted to slap himself. He had been way beyond idiocy. You just don’t yell at a pregnant person, that’s not only digging your own grave it’s like your slapping them in the face. It wasn’t Sam’s fault that he was pregnant, both of them couldn’t have known that this would happen but that gave Dean no right to go off and just…..

 

Dean looked skyward, like maybe God would cut him some slack just this once, and when he looked back down the most obvious thought popped into his head. And with a frustrated shake of his head, Dean put the Impala in drive and pulled out of the parking lot, tires squealing against the concrete.

 

~

 

Dean slammed the car door closed and walked uneasily up the steps. His hand paused just a breath away from the door knob, and Dean hoped to God that Sam was here, because he would rather have Sam beat the shit out of him, knowing his brother was alright, rather than not know and drive himself into insanity. So with one deep breath and a quick mental shake, Dean grabbed the door knob and opened the door slowly. When he saw Sam sitting on the bed, head cradled in his large hands, Dean could have yelled with joy. Relief flooded his every sense, and Dean made sure to shut the door before he crossed over quickly to his brother’s side.

 

Dean didn’t know the first thing he should say to express how goddamn sorry he was, how much of a selfish blind sighted idiot he was, but his body was already moving before he could think too much. His knees touched the soft and slightly grimy carpet as he sank down into a crouch at Sam’s feet. Hesitantly he raised his hand to touch the back of one of Sam’s hands that were clenched into tight fists in his hair. When his brother didn’t pull away or snarl at him, Dean took this as a good sign and before he could even begin to fathom what he’d say, his mouth was opening and a flood of words tumbled out.

 

“Oh my god Sammy I am so sorry. I’m such a goddamn idiot, I didn’t mean what I said I just….. I was caught off guard and I went and screwed it all up. I handled everything so freakn’ _wrong_. I’m an idiot, such an _idiot!_ None of us could have known that this would happen, it’s not your fault Sam and just- Have I mentioned how much of an idiot I am? I’m so sorry Sammy, I can’t even _begin_ to tell you how fucking sorry I am and-” A light chuckle stopped Dean in the middle of his word vomit. He looked up- confused why Sam would laugh- and saw his baby brother peeking up at him from under his long bangs, hazel eyes twinkling in amusement yet still with a hint of sadness. Dean hated that he put that sadness there, but he wasn’t going to again if he could help it. And before he could launch into another lengthy apology, Sam looked up at him and smiled slightly, mouth opening as he began to speak.

 

“I know you’re sorry Dean, and I think we both over-reacted. This is some crazy shit, I think that if you were more calm then I’d be more freaked out.” Sam left out the part where he’d been hoping Dean wouldn’t leave him. Left out the part where he had hoped Dean would take control of the situation; tell him what was going on. It was the not knowing that was driving him towards the edge, it was the fact that this had caught them both off guard, that shook him up.

 

“But, Sam I-”

 

“Dean…. Can you just…. Can you promise me something?” Scared about the look of deep sadness that crept up into his brother’s eyes, Dean looked at him for a few seconds before answering. Not out of hesitation- because he would do anything for his Sammy- but because he was trying to figure out what was going on inside his brother’s head.

 

“Of course Sammy, anything.” Sam looked at him for a few seconds before he ducked his head down, looking at the spotted carpet and hiding behind the bangs that fell over his eyes.

 

“Just please don’t- don’t leave me. I wouldn’t be able to do anything without you and-” Dean leaned forward and closed his mouth over his brother’s, swallowing whatever words that were still tumbling out of his brother’s quivering lips. Dean could feel Sam melting into the kiss immediately, and the kiss did what it was meant to do. It calmed Sam, it reassured him, and it told him what Dean’s answer was. 

 

Their lips moved together slowly- the pressure soft and gentle- while their tongues lazily slid against each other. When Dean broke the kiss some time later, he looked up and watched as his brother slowly opened his own eyes to meet his older brother’s gaze. With that gaze they exchanged feelings that meant so much more than words could ever express; Dean’s love for Sam, and Sam’s trust and relief. Dean grasped Sam’s face in between his hands, bringing their foreheads together, and letting heat and breathe mingle.

 

“I would never leave you Sam. _Never._ I could never do that to you… to me. You know that Sammy. I- I love you so much.” That was the first time Dean had said that to him when they had officially became a ‘they’. Sam could feel warmth flood his chest, and he smiled a smile that kick started Dean’s heart into overdrive. Dean slid his forehead down until it met his brother’s broad shoulder, and took in a deep breath of Sam’s sweet scent.

 

“I’m sorry Sammy, so sorry.” Dean whispered into his brother’s shirt, head nuzzling Sam’s shoulder in a way that Sam was sure Dean was not even aware of. 

 

Sam looked down at his brother, and knew that this was a stupid fight, had known it since he first slammed the door shut. Sam knew Dean didn’t mean any of what he had said, they both had bad tempers and to combine them together can have the lasting effect of an atom bomb. So Sam tilted his brother’s chin up and kissed him again, this time he let all the heat melt into the kiss, and he let Dean take control when his tongue started to fight for dominance. It was somewhere between the time they were still sitting and the time they were spread out on the bed, that Sam felt a familiar twist in his stomach. At first he held it at bay, but then it became insistent and with a strangled moan in his throat, Sam lunged off the bed and ran towards the bathroom. Hurling food he hadn’t thought was still in his stomach.

 

~

 

Dean had been caught off guard when his brother had practically thrown him off. When he looked back up it was just in time to catch Sam flip the lids on the toilet up and hack sickeningly into the white porcelain bowl.

Dean didn’t hesitate in walking in and kneeling beside his coughing brother. He rubbed soft, comforting circles into Sam’s warm, broad back while various colors of things filled the bowl. Dean frowned in sympathy and looked away, wiping some hair out of his brother sweat sticky face. When Sam was done, he leaned a cheek against the bowl and took in deep breathes. His face was red and sweaty, his mouth open to try and breathe in more air. 

 

“You okay now Sammy?” After a few more moments of silence, Sam gave one final groan and nodded, pushing himself up while Dean’s hand found his elbow.

 

“I’m perfectly capable of walking myself over to the sink, Dean.” Sam muttered, but didn’t shake away from Dean’s comforting hold. 

 

“I know, but I can’t have you tipping over now can I?” Sam rinsed his mouth out several times before he splashed cold water over his face. He grabbed the towel that Dean handed him and dried off his face slowly, no doubt trying not to disturb his already aching head.

 

“Make me sound like a cow, ‘m not even getting a bump yet and already with the compliments.” Sam muttered sarcastically from behind the towel, and Dean just grinned into the mirror knowing- even though he couldn’t see- that his brother’s eyes were looking back at him. 

 

When they were settling back into the bed, trying to find a comfortable spot in the lumpy mattress, something occurred to Dean, and he leant up slightly to look down at his brother.

 

“Hey, should I take it as an insult that when we’re making out you puke up a gut? ‘Cause I think I’m feeling pretty insulted.” But a quick look at his brother told him that Sam was already sleeping, exhausted from his ‘long’ day. It was barely three o’clock in the afternoon, but Dean settled them down into the mattress and slipped an arm around his brother’s thin waist. He kissed Sam’s head of brown hair, with a smile on his lips as he drifted off into a warm and comfortable sleep.


	5. <i>Pregnancy and you!</i>

  
Author's notes: I actually _really_ like this chapter, it was fun to write, and i know i was supposed to post this a few days ago but i was fussing over the end and.. yeah -.- anyways this chap is longer than normal(5000 instead of 3 or so thousand) and i really just like this one and am excited about posting it. lol anywas, ENJOY~  


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_The baby wails so loud that his ears ring from the force of her cries. He can’t see anything, stuck in this forever darkness that seems to be constantly mocking him in his distress. He clutches the warm struggling bundle tighter in his arms, cooing softly to calm her high pitched cries. He pulls the thin blanket she’s wrapped in closer around her, covering her chubby face against the harsh temperatures._

_He can’t find Dean. He had been walking in this seething darkness for so long that the heels of his feet throbbed in pain, and yet still his brother was nowhere to be found. His panic had been steadily rising, to the point where he just wanted to break down and cry like the baby he held in his long arms. But he couldn’t do that, no matter how much he wanted to, because Dean was gone and he had to find him. He had to stay strong for her. There was a light shuffling sound from behind him, like someone rustling around in a leafy bush. Sam’s legs paused midstride; senses sharply tuning in to his seemingly nonexistent surroundings. He picked up the pace again, trying to walk as fast as he could without jostling the baby too much. His over-used muscles strained against his every movement, making this ten times harder than it should have been._

_He could sense them, could feel the malignant energy that rolled off them in near constant clouds. His fear spiked sickeningly when a feather light brush caressed his thin ankle. It was just a brief flutter, but enough to send him into a sprint, panic and desperation rising stronger than before._

_He held the baby closer to himself, her small head cradled in his large hand. A cold dripping sense of dread slinked down his spine, his breathe turning ragged and loud in the screaming silence. In the evil infested darkness a head of shaggy brown hair shook back and forth as the man tried to rid himself of the hideous scenes his unhelpful mind seemed to be producing with a vengeance. Sam forced himself to shove his fears down, and focus on their current situation. If he was still captured in the dark cages of his mind, it would have taken him awhile longer to realize that she had stopped crying, her wails reduced to whimpers as she picked up on his distress yet was no longer able to produce anymore tears. Her fear was mixing with his, and Sam couldn’t focus on anything but that. The fear that he knew he was letting consume him._

_“Don’t worry Anna, we’ll find him, and then we can all finally get out of here.” She acknowledged him with a light snuffling sound as she snuggled closer to Sam, who finally was forced to slow down. He was panting roughly at this point, having been on the move for lord knows how long. He stopped to take a deep -supposed to be calming- breath._

_And that’s when something akin to a boulder tackled him from behind, propelling his large frame forward. Sam flipped himself onto his back before his body could even begin its descent towards the seemingly endless pit that was the ground his feet had once walked upon. He was ever so careful not to crush the little body that was held tightly in his arms, the task made difficult by the strong impact that rippled through him when body connected with ground. Instinct kicked in and he was able to shoot his legs out in front of him, his reward a shallow grunt, and a harsh breath panting in his face._

_He rolled himself to the side just as a scarred fist pummeled down where his chest had previously been. Sam took off in the other direction, his body already moving before his sluggish mind could catch up. He was lowering his head to check on Anna when white hot pain sparked through his lower back, spreading like lightning to his arms and legs. Sam fell to his knees with a loud thud, trying in vain to force his legs back into action, the limbs seeming to mock his frantic orders in the way they stayed limp beneath him. He needed to get her out of here. They couldn’t take her, not now, not when he’s already lost everything. When a harsh blow was dealt to the back of his head, the last thing he heard was the desperate cries of his baby girl, her screams etching a permanent scar on his already broken soul._

 

~

 

Dean woke up when a foot kicked his shin and his hand automatically gripped the handle of the knife he kept under his pillow. It took him a few seconds to realize that no, they weren’t in any danger, and that no there weren’t any dancing midgets in the room. God he’s gotta stop drinking at night, it’s doing bad things to his mind. Next thing he knows he’s gonna be seeing singing vegetables or whatever that crazy shit was on channel five. 

 

It took him exactly one more millisecond before he realized that Sam was twisting himself in the sheets next to him, muttering as sweat started beading out on his forehead. When Sam’s face twisted into a look of pure horror rarely seen outside of the nightmares that plagued him, it had Dean sitting up and reaching his hand out, intent on waking up his brother before he had to see anything else. Before his hand could get any closer to his brother’s face though, Sam jerked himself upright, eyes wide with terror as his hand reached up to cradle his middle. Dean didn’t think Sam was even aware that he was rubbing his flat stomach, hand rubbing circles into his muscled abdomen as his eyes shut closed and his rough breathing started to slow down.

 

“Sammy?” Dean knelt himself just a bit closer to his brother, hand continuing its journey to Sam’s face like it had been several minutes ago. Sam jerked again, this time his eyes flew open, desperately searching for his brother’s face. When glazed over hazel eyes found their destination, Sam looked at Dean like he hadn’t seen him in years. Then his eyes started glistening and Dean knew that his brother was fighting back tears. 

 

They may cry more than other people, but they’ve seen a hell of a lot more than other people. When they cry it means they’ve been hit too hard close to home, their small world had been violated, and Dean hated to see that happen to his brother.

 

At first Dean didn’t hear it, thought maybe Sam was just sighing; but then he heard it again and he knew his brother was muttering. He leaned in closer, trying to hear, and his eyes widened.

 

“You weren’t there. Damn it Dean they got to us, they got to _her._ Where the hell were you? You weren’t there….” Dean could tell at that moment that Sam wasn’t entirely awake. His brother’s mind had simply saved itself by stopping the nightmare. Sam probably didn’t even know what was going on, and Dean was the big brother here and goddamn it, he better start acting like one.

 

“It’s okay Sammy, I’m here now. Come on, go back to sleep Sammy, it was only a nightmare.” Dean cooed softly as he placed his hands on his brother’s shoulders and gently pushed him back down to the bed. Sam went easily; offering no resistance as Dean laid him back down, throwing the blanket back over his brother’s large body. He laid back down next to Sam and started running his fingers through his brothers hair, and it was like they were shot back to their childhood; Dean comforting his baby brother after another horrible nightmare. Dean was whispering nonsense into his brother’s ear, remembering that all Sam needed to hear -needed to feel- was that his big brother was there. And then he’d fall back asleep, knowing Dean wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him, trusting his older brother to keep him safe. 

 

After Sam muttered something about an Anna, he sighed softly and turned his head into Dean’s hand, his breathing going deep and slow. Dean didn’t move at first, he just laid there for a bit, watching over his brother for anymore nightmares, fingers stroking through the silky head of hair he loved so much. 

 

Dean noticed that Sam still had his arm wrapped protectively over his stomach, fingers curling into his worn thin shirt like he was trying to keep the baby in. And there it was; the pink elephant in the room. Trying to stop himself from an internal rant on why that was even a saying, Dean slowly slipped out of bed, careful not to wake up his brother.

 

When his feet touched the cool carpet, Dean let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, his hand running through his hair unconciously; a sign that he was either nervous or worried. In this case it was the latter. After a moment Dean walked over to his duffel and searched through clumps of dirty clothes and a few just-in-case-weapons he had if the situation called for it. He was off handedly reminding himself that they needed to go do laundry soon when his hand gripped his desired item. Dean stuffed the clothes he had yanked out back into the bag, and sat himself down on one of the chairs by the table, plopping the book down on the surface and staring at it.

 

Sam hadn’t gotten a descent night’s sleep in days, most likely longer but Sam probably didn’t tell him because he didn’t want Dean to worry. He hadn’t really been eating much, he had circles under his eyes and he was losing weight; Dean could tell. His face was a near constant white instead of that healthy tan glow his brother was always carrying around. Dean was worried so fucking much that he was starting to get just a little bit more paranoid every time Sam touched his hand to his head with his eyes screwed up in pain, and every time his little brother stood standing up because laying down hurt like a bitch. It was the last straw when Sam was so sick he didn't get up from the motel's disgustingly filthy bathroom floor for nearly twenty minutes, and Dean had slipped out one night after Sam had finally gotten the sleep that had been evading him, going out to get some answers to all his fucking questions. He would have used their computer, but Sam had fallen asleep keeping tabs on the case they had asked Bobby to give to another hunter, and Dean really hadn’t wanted to wake him up. So he had run into a twenty four hour Rite- Aid and looked down the aisles, feeling the clerks eyes on his back with his every step. When he came face to face with the book he wanted, he grabbed it and hurried back to the cash register, paying for the book quickly and ignoring the odd looks the guy behind the counter was giving him. 

 

He hadn’t had any time to read it since then. Dean wanted to make sure Sam was asleep before his own head even hit the pillow. As a result he was probably a bit more tired than Sam, and slept at every chance he got now. He let Sam take the wheel one of the few times they’d been in the car so he could catch a few hours of needed sleep. Sam knew something was up when Dean didn’t want him near his duffel (his apparently amazing idea to hide it at the time) but left him alone after Dean refused to budge.

 

The cover of the book seemed to be mocking him now, picture of a healthy pregnant woman smiling up at him. The title _Pregnancy and you!_ Was just about the scariest thing he had ever read in his life, and Dean Winchester had read some crazy shit before. He wasn’t really sure what to do with it anymore, just kept staring at it, mind trying to process what the fuck he was attempting to do. With a deep breath, Dean took it like a man, and opened up to the first page.

 

~

 

When Sam first started twitching awake, Dean nearly threw himself across the room trying to get the book back in its spot nestled somewhat safely in his duffel. He knew Sam saw him dodge for the bag, but he doubted that Sam saw the book in his hand, and that meant he was safe.

 

“Dean, uh, what the hell are you doing?” Sam’s sleep rough voice asked as Dean finished zipping up the bag and turned around slowly.

 

“Nothing, just cleaning up some crap that we had lying around. We need to go to the Laundry Mat down the street man, our clothes are so fucking filthy that even _I’m_ cringing.” He could tell that Sam didn’t buy it, and was going to call him on it when Dean announced that he had gone out and bought food. He could see Sam’s eyes lighting up, and he nearly jumped out of bed when he lurched to a stop, crouching half way between sitting and standing. His face that had once held some form of color, drained; and his mouth turned down in a grimace.

 

“You okay Sammy?” Dean asked, already moving over to his brother and helping him sit gingerly back down.

 

“Y-Yeah,” he cleared his throat with a rough cough “just got a bit dizzy there.” Dean frowned, he knew it was normal for Sam to be experiencing dizziness -the book said so- but he was still worried, some serious crap happens to women when their pregnant, and he doubted any of that would really change just because Sam was a man. Dean felt nauseas just _reading_ the damn book, Sam must be feeling like so much crap right now, and it made Dean so goddamn frustrated that he couldn’t really help Sam with this one as much as he wanted to.

 

“Just get up slow Sam, don’t move so fast or your gonna puke all over the carpet and I don’t wanna be smelling that the rest of today.” Sam laughed mockingly and slowly pushed himself up, Dean’s hands hovering just in case his brother tumbled over. When Sam was upright, he walked on slightly unsteady feet over to the bag of food and sat down in the chair, taking deep breathes as he untied the string.

 

“Oatmeal.” Sam stared at it, disbelief written on every inch of his face.

 

“Now why the hell would you buy oatmeal? I hate this crap Dean, you know that.” Sam stared down at the plastic bowl of sludge like it was the most disgusting thing he had ever seen, his nose scrunched up as he pushed the bowl away from himself.

 

“There is no way in hell that I’m eating this, please tell me your just playing a sick joke.” Dean smiled. It reminded him of when he had barely turned eight and little Sammy was still just th tender age of three. They had just run out of the last of their money to buy food and all they had left was endless boxes of oatmeal. At first Sam was ecstatic, eating up the oatmeal like it was the most amazing thing he had ever eaten in his small life, happy that he could coat it with all the sugar and honey he wanted even though Dean chastised him. Then again he let Sam do it anyway because there wasn’t a thing Dean could deny his Sammy.

 

After the first two days Sam started to hate the crap, pushing the bowl away from himself when Dean set it down for him on the table. His chubby little face would twist into adorable defiance as his eyes burned with his usual stubbornness. Dean would have to sweet talk Sam into eating his food, promise him that he could stay up late, and then smile down fondly at his little brother when he couldn’t even make it past eight no matter how hard he tried.

 

“It’s good for you, now stop your bitching and eat it.” Except Sam wasn’t three years old anymore, he was a grown –overgrown- man now. So he was going to eat the fucking oatmeal, and he was going to like it. Sam frowned, but too many years of following on Dean’s command –even though rarely, since the little bastard was always so stubborn- took over and he reluctantly shoveled in a spoonful, face twisting in disgust as he swallowed harshly.

 

“Oh my God, I’m so going to kill you in your sleep for this.” Sam muttered darkly, pinching the bridge of his nose with his long fingers and taking in another spoonful of the gray liquid. Dean just smirked, sitting in the chair opposite of Sam and sipping his fifth cup of coffee for the day. Dean didn’t think Sam remembered the nightmare, there was no awkward ‘I’m-waiting-for-you-to-bring-that-shit-up’ tension in the air, and Sam seemed slightly better rested then he had in awhile. Dean was content to just let it slide past; there was no need to make Sam relive that, because it must have been extremely bad if it had Sam at the point of tears.

 

Dean sipped thoughtfully as Sam was miserably eating his breakfast, exaggerated noises of disgust escaped his lips every so often, eating the crap but letting Dean know how much he hated every minute of it. It kind of made Dean want to smile, and smack his brother upside the head at the same time. When Dean let his gaze wonder over his brother, he couldn’t help it when his eyes were automatically drawn to Sam’s stomach. He knew Sam wouldn’t show for awhile, he’d read some of the book, but still, delusional Dean could have sworn he saw something. He could have sworn he saw a small bump, but then he blinked, and it wasn’t there anymore. 

 

It made him realize just how precious this situation was. He’d be having the kids he’d always wanted, Dean always wished of having a family, but knew it wouldn’t be possible. Before it was because he thought Sam would never love him that way, then it was because Sam was a man; and even though Dean wouldn’t have it any other way, it was still just not possible. He didn’t know how the hell this happened and his hunter instincts were telling him not to get too comfortable, to look for the big why. But Dean, the Dean that loved Sam -that wanted this nearly as badly as he wants Sam- told him to just see this as the blessing that it is. But neither could do that, because what if this had horrifying side effects, what if this killed Sam? And Dean closed his eyes briefly against the flare of pain at the thought. He wasn’t going to let that happen, just like before, he was going to protect Sam if it was the last thing he ever did.

 

“You can’t hunt anymore.” Sam paused; his spoon in mid-air and his mouth open slightly. He slowly put the spoon back in the bowl, and pushed it away, his eyes looking over at Dean questioningly.

 

“What?”

 

“You can’t hunt anymore, its way too dangerous and there is no way in hell that I’m letting you risk yourself. Something like getting thrown into a wall by a poltergeist could hurt you _and_ the baby.” The word nearly got stuck in Dean’s throat. That was the first time he had ever said that out loud, the first time that he had acknowledged that they were going to have a baby. And as odd as it felt, the joy that pumped through his veins and the way Sam’s eyes lit up so quickly to the word, made up for it. 

 

“Yeah, you’re right.” And Dean’s eyes kind of widened. He sort of expected to have to fight with Sam, tell him that there was a huge risk of losing the baby by living the way they do. He wasn’t going to let Sam get caught up in a dangerous case, he wouldn’t risk them like that; couldn’t. Ending his hunting career was the best way to go, they both knew it.

 

“Wow, now how did that taste coming out of your mouth?” Sam smirked in his adorable Sam way, and Dean felt warmth pool in his chest.

 

“We’re going to have to take easy cases though. Ones where we don’t need much research and where it won’t take me long to get rid of the fucker.” He expected Sam to nod, and was confused when he saw his brother’s eyebrows furrow and his head shake before Dean was even done talking.

 

“No way, I’m not letting you go in alone. Something could happen to you, and then what? What if your hurt bad enough you can’t drive or even dial your phone? Am I supposed to just wait in the motels and hope you don’t die out there? Uh-huh, no way. I stop hunting, you stop hunting.” Dean could feel his defiant retort on the tip of his tongue, when Sam shot him a glare and held his hand up.

 

“Don’t you even dare say that that won’t happen to you. How many hunts have we been in where you’re hurt so damn bad that I have to carry you to the car? Too fucking much, that’s how many.” Sam took a deep breath, forehead pressed up tightly against his hand. “There is no way I’m letting you go out by yourself, I’ll chain you to the bathroom sink and watch you all night if I have to but there is no way your hunting by yourself.” Dean bit the inside of his cheek, his big brother instinct to snap at Sam and tell him not to boss him around on the very tip of his tongue; but Sam had a point. There had been countless times where he’d been hurt so bad that he was fighting to even stay conscious, let alone carry himself to the Impala. Sam had been there, taken him to the motel, and stitched him up so many times that Dean had lost count. If any of that had happened while he had worked solo, he would have probably died.

 

Sam saw it when Dean agreed, even without him saying anything. His eyes held defeat and acceptance. His brother took a deep breath, calming his nerves down and trying to adjust to the decision he had made.

 

“Alright, you have a point. No more hunting for _either_ of us, okay?” Sam smiled and nodded his head, apparently pleased that he had gotten Dean to agree without much of a fight. Dean just glowered, pissed that Sam had a point and foolish brother rivalry telling him to prove his brother wrong. It was just Dean’s crappy luck that Sam was right. He puffed out an unexpected laugh, eyes crinkling at the edges as his smile widened. Sam probably thought that his brother had lost it, but Dean heard him huff out his own laugh. Dean shook his head and tried to calm his slightly hysterical laughter, his attempt at smoothing out his too big smile was futile, so he picked up the coffee cup and took a big gulp. Sam was apparently done with his oatmeal, the bowl lying mostly eaten but abandoned near the middle of the otherwise empty table. Dean was lifting the cup up for another drink of the black coffee, when Sam looked up from his gaze at the window, eyes catching Dean’s and making his hand pause.

 

“I think we should try and research how this- ahh,” he motioned towards his stomach “happened.” Dean blinked, continued to take his gulp of coffee, and set it down.

 

“Yeah, I was actually going to say the same thing. It’s better to know what we’re dealing with here. Try and rule out anything potentially dangerous.” Sam nodded; his mouth in that ‘I-want-to-talk-but-don’t-want-to’ frown. 

 

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked him, hand reaching out for the cup again when the warmth of the last gulp had disappeared. Sam hesitated for a bit longer, his eyes wary, then he exhaled and opened his mouth.

 

“I think we should go to Bobby’s. If anyone could help us get to the bottom of this fast enough, it’s Bobby.” Dean froze again, his hand falling limply against the table with a light thud. He wasn’t so sure that he could tell Bobby, well, any of this. He wasn’t really sure he could do that, could man up enough. It would have been just as bad as having to face his own father, only slightly less threatening. Sam easily read his hesitation, would have been blind to miss the look in Dean’s eyes, and he sighed.

 

“Dean I highly doubt Bobby would even think to reject us. He may act all hard ass, but you know as well as I do that he’s the hugest teddy bear of them all.” Unfortunately Sam had yet to read Dean as accurately as he had thought. He wanted to laugh at what Sam thought he worried about, but he actually wasn’t that off.

 

“It’s not that so much as…” Dean trailed off, a frustrated huff escaping his lips as he tried to think of words to describe how he was thinking.

 

“It’s just, we can’t necessarily show up on Bobby’s door step and say ‘Hey Bobby, I just knocked up my brother! Wanna help us find out how the hell that’s possible?’” Dean let out a shaky breathe, and Sam knew that wasn’t the entire truth, could tell that Dean knew he suspected it. So Sam waited patiently as Dean sorted out his thoughts.

 

“If we tell Bobby… then this, this is more real, it’s just- I’m not ready to tell Bobby. I’m not ready to make this known and just, it’s just you and me man. When we tell Bobby, then it’s not us anymore, it’s not just ours anymore.” Dean looked up, eyes begging Sam to try and understand what he was saying. When Dean saw the understanding light up in his brother’s eyes he wanted to shout in joy, but then Sam’s face changed again, and Dean didn’t think he was going to like where this was going.

 

“I get it Dean, really man I do. But this is way bigger than keeping this to ourselves, way bigger than ‘not being ready’. Dean we’re going to be _parents,_ we have to figure out a way to _raise_ our kid, and there isn’t any time for not being ready. Not anymore. We _need_ to go to Bobby’s, he has resources that we don’t have Dean, and it’s not like we can trick it out of him, the man’s not stupid. The only way is to come clean, he’s going to find out eventually, at least this way he can help us through this.” Dean knew he was being childish, knew that Sam was right and that he was being an idiot. But he also knew that even after Sam said all that, he still wasn’t ready to confess his sins to Bobby.

 

“We can go tomorrow, on one condition.” Dean said, voice tight with anxiousness, and he waited until Sam nodded before continuing. “When we go to Bobby’s, we wait a few days before telling him; just to give me some time and figure out a way to tell him, alright?” Sam nodded again, and Dean visibly sagged with relief.

 

“You do know that he’s more than likely going to figure out before you get the guts to tell him right? Bobby is anything but dense, Dean. He’s going to start wondering why I start throwing up all over the place and can barely look at food without feeling nauseous, Hell! He probably knew something was up when we asked him to give our case to another hunter.”

 

“Well then at least then we have something to work with. Look, I know I’m being stupid, but, just give me some time okay?”

 

“Alright, but it’s your funeral when he skins your hide for not telling him in the first place.” Sam retorts, smile spreading over his face.

 

“Hey, you’re holding back from him too!” Dean shot back with his own matchign grin, leaning forward in his chair.

 

“Yeah, well I’m under the influence of hormones, I am easily manipulated.” Dean scowled and Sam smiled a big goofy grin back at him. It took three seconds of staring at each other before they burst into laughter, Dean getting up and heading to the bathroom.

 

“Alright I’m gonna take a shower, after that we are going to the laundry mat, I think some of my clothes are growing mold on them.” And with that Dean closed the door shut behind him, leaving Sam in the room. Sam waited until the shower had been turned on for a few minutes, before heading over to Dean’s duffel and slowly opening the zipper, sticking his hand in it when the zipper was open enough. He searched through smelly clothes and weapons, markers and then his hand grabbed something.

 

At first he thought it was dad’s journal, but it wasn’t the normal leather of the journal that his fingers clutched. Sam pulled the book out and looked at the title as it jumped out at him.

 

_Pregnancy and you!_

 

Sam felt a warm feeling crawl sluggishly throughout his stomach, he could feel his lips turn up in a smile, and his eyes soften. When Dean stepped out of the bathroom ten minutes later, Sam ambushed him; lips crashing against his surprised brother’s. Sam didn’t hesitate in licking at Dean’s mouth, and letting their tongues slide against the other when Dean opened his lips. Dean moaned and Sam pulled back, a huge smile over his face.

 

“What was that for?” Dean asked with a laugh, eyes twinkling as the light sparkled through them.

 

“For this…” Sam raised his right arm, the books cover reflecting back at him from his brother’s eyes. Dean stared at it helplessly for a few seconds, and as much as Dean might deny it in the future, he blushed full on red.

 

“Thanks Dean.” And Sam kissed him again as Dean muttered a quiet ‘Yeah, whatever’ against his lips. Which, in Dean speak, meant _I love you too._


End file.
